New Rings

In the October of 2004 Keith proposed to me on a Sunday evening in a park. Later, when we were getting ready to shop for a ring, his mother, LaDawn, gave him the set that had belonged to her mother. At the time, I didn't know my soon-to-be mother in-law all that well. The intention had been to take it to a jewelry store and have it cleaned and restored. It really was/is a beautiful setting.

However, the salesperson at the store kept talking about how it was out of fasion to wear yellow gold and wouldn't it be great to get a new setting and simply take the diamond out of the old setting. As those is the business of sales would say, I got "sold." I found a setting that I felt I simply had to have. Keith called his mom to make sure she was okay with just using the diamond and not the setting. She said "yes" and so we went ahead and did it.

After we were married I learned a little more about my new family. Around our one year mark we spent Christmas in Arizona with the Hargraves (LaDawns family.) I learned that Keith's grandmother had been an accomplished pianist and even taught piano lessons. The whole reason my mother in-law wanted me to have her mother's rings was so that they would "be on a piano playing finger again." She never complained about my choice not to use the original setting but, deep down, I knew I had not made the right decision. If I were in her shoes I would have been unhappy with the situation. Unfortunately, I lacked the courage to own up to my mistake for about another 5 years.

My first engagement ring was absolutely beautiful. We used the money we saved on the center stone to get a diamond encrusted setting. After I started wearing it, I immediately started having problems with diamonds coming loose and falling out. But, not to worry, the store had a great warrenty. Still, I was always very worried about the center stone falling out so I never wore it very often. As seldom as I wore it, I continued to have problems with diamonds falling out and finally, the store refused to honor their warrenty based on a technicality (I won't go into that.)

That brings us up to the present. It seemed that kharma had come back to bite me and we decided that it was finally time to make the switch. LaDawn was happy to return the original setting and we had the stone reset, the ring refinished, and resized. Now, when I wear it I have a feeling that it is finally how it was meant to be. I guess that ring just needs to be on a "piano playing finger" and I am truely honored to wear it.

Good News, Bad News

Let's start with the good news. This fall I am starting my student teaching which will be my final semester. Last week, I recieved a letter informing me that I have been selected to recieve a new scholarship for student teaching. This was not the type scholarship you apply or. In fact, I didn't even know it existed since GMU has very few scholarships in the music program. Here's what the letter reads.

"Friends of Music (FOM) is pleased to inform you that you will be the first recipient of the Dr. William and Shirley Billingham Student Teacher Award for the Fall 2011 semester. This $1000 scholarship was created specifically for student teachers for the semester in which they are doing their student teaching. The School of Music faculty recommended you for this scholarship based on specific criteria involving your dedication to music and commitment to educational excellence."

This was quite a wonderful surprise and I feel incredibly honored that they selected me out of a pool of 12 other students who are student teaching this fall. It will look really good on my resume and will definitely help me to get a job quickly. I just hope I can live up to everyone's expectations.

The letter also requested a picture and a short bio and for various department publications. I realized that the last picture I've had taken of just myself was by bridal portraits, ha! So, I asked my friend, Kara, who is an amazing photographer, to take some headshots for me. Below is one of the best.

Ok, here comes the bad news. You don't have to read on.....I won't be offended.

My experience with clomid has not been at all what I expected. The two possible outcomes I was prepared for were pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. The only thing clomid did was make my pain exponentially worse, to the point that I went to the ER not once, but twice. I finally saw the good doc today and I didn't like what I heard.

Let me go back a bit. Before I started the clomid I went off the pain meds altogether. I found that I felt better off of them because I was no longer groggy all the time and, truely, they weren't helping the pain that much anyway. The day after I took my first clomid I felt amazing, better than I have felt in longer than I can remember. I continued to feel good until two days after taking my last pill. Then it got a lot worse.

Apparently, this was very telling. You see, clomid supresses the production of estrogen. So, there is a connection between my pain and estrogen. Next, the doc did a sonogram and found that I am, in fact, not ovulating at all. The clomid didn't even do what it was supposed to do. If we were to try the clomid again he would double the dosage in the hopes that it would be more effective the second time around. The pain spike I experienced (should say am experiencing) he called "rebound pain." So, if I doubled my dose of clomid wouldn't my rebound pain double as well? I think I'll pass.

By process of elimination it appears that I have endometriosis. This is a diagnosis that I had not even considered but as I have done some research I have found that it fits my symptoms like a glove. I told the doc that we don't want any more fertility treatments and that we want to be as agressive as necessary to solve the problem. The fact of the matter is, my condition is unlivable. I absolutely cannot go down the infertility road, which could go on for years, when I am in this much pain on a regular basis. I have two beautiful kids who need me to be better now.

The doc prescribed me Lupron which is an injected drug that simulates menopause. The purpose of this is to see if a hysterectomy would eliminate my pain. (Lupron is not an option for long-term treament.) If the Lupron works, then we're looking at surgery right around Christmas time. The idea of removing my uterus scares me to death. It's just so final. But, there is nothing else to do. I'm extremely anxious about all of this (hence I am up at 4:26am blogging.) The Lupron will make my symptoms worse for two weeks before it will start to make them better. It's going to be a long two weeks. I really hope this works.