New Rings

In the October of 2004 Keith proposed to me on a Sunday evening in a park. Later, when we were getting ready to shop for a ring, his mother, LaDawn, gave him the set that had belonged to her mother. At the time, I didn't know my soon-to-be mother in-law all that well. The intention had been to take it to a jewelry store and have it cleaned and restored. It really was/is a beautiful setting.

However, the salesperson at the store kept talking about how it was out of fasion to wear yellow gold and wouldn't it be great to get a new setting and simply take the diamond out of the old setting. As those is the business of sales would say, I got "sold." I found a setting that I felt I simply had to have. Keith called his mom to make sure she was okay with just using the diamond and not the setting. She said "yes" and so we went ahead and did it.

After we were married I learned a little more about my new family. Around our one year mark we spent Christmas in Arizona with the Hargraves (LaDawns family.) I learned that Keith's grandmother had been an accomplished pianist and even taught piano lessons. The whole reason my mother in-law wanted me to have her mother's rings was so that they would "be on a piano playing finger again." She never complained about my choice not to use the original setting but, deep down, I knew I had not made the right decision. If I were in her shoes I would have been unhappy with the situation. Unfortunately, I lacked the courage to own up to my mistake for about another 5 years.

My first engagement ring was absolutely beautiful. We used the money we saved on the center stone to get a diamond encrusted setting. After I started wearing it, I immediately started having problems with diamonds coming loose and falling out. But, not to worry, the store had a great warrenty. Still, I was always very worried about the center stone falling out so I never wore it very often. As seldom as I wore it, I continued to have problems with diamonds falling out and finally, the store refused to honor their warrenty based on a technicality (I won't go into that.)

That brings us up to the present. It seemed that kharma had come back to bite me and we decided that it was finally time to make the switch. LaDawn was happy to return the original setting and we had the stone reset, the ring refinished, and resized. Now, when I wear it I have a feeling that it is finally how it was meant to be. I guess that ring just needs to be on a "piano playing finger" and I am truely honored to wear it.

Good News, Bad News

Let's start with the good news. This fall I am starting my student teaching which will be my final semester. Last week, I recieved a letter informing me that I have been selected to recieve a new scholarship for student teaching. This was not the type scholarship you apply or. In fact, I didn't even know it existed since GMU has very few scholarships in the music program. Here's what the letter reads.

"Friends of Music (FOM) is pleased to inform you that you will be the first recipient of the Dr. William and Shirley Billingham Student Teacher Award for the Fall 2011 semester. This $1000 scholarship was created specifically for student teachers for the semester in which they are doing their student teaching. The School of Music faculty recommended you for this scholarship based on specific criteria involving your dedication to music and commitment to educational excellence."

This was quite a wonderful surprise and I feel incredibly honored that they selected me out of a pool of 12 other students who are student teaching this fall. It will look really good on my resume and will definitely help me to get a job quickly. I just hope I can live up to everyone's expectations.

The letter also requested a picture and a short bio and for various department publications. I realized that the last picture I've had taken of just myself was by bridal portraits, ha! So, I asked my friend, Kara, who is an amazing photographer, to take some headshots for me. Below is one of the best.

Ok, here comes the bad news. You don't have to read on.....I won't be offended.

My experience with clomid has not been at all what I expected. The two possible outcomes I was prepared for were pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. The only thing clomid did was make my pain exponentially worse, to the point that I went to the ER not once, but twice. I finally saw the good doc today and I didn't like what I heard.

Let me go back a bit. Before I started the clomid I went off the pain meds altogether. I found that I felt better off of them because I was no longer groggy all the time and, truely, they weren't helping the pain that much anyway. The day after I took my first clomid I felt amazing, better than I have felt in longer than I can remember. I continued to feel good until two days after taking my last pill. Then it got a lot worse.

Apparently, this was very telling. You see, clomid supresses the production of estrogen. So, there is a connection between my pain and estrogen. Next, the doc did a sonogram and found that I am, in fact, not ovulating at all. The clomid didn't even do what it was supposed to do. If we were to try the clomid again he would double the dosage in the hopes that it would be more effective the second time around. The pain spike I experienced (should say am experiencing) he called "rebound pain." So, if I doubled my dose of clomid wouldn't my rebound pain double as well? I think I'll pass.

By process of elimination it appears that I have endometriosis. This is a diagnosis that I had not even considered but as I have done some research I have found that it fits my symptoms like a glove. I told the doc that we don't want any more fertility treatments and that we want to be as agressive as necessary to solve the problem. The fact of the matter is, my condition is unlivable. I absolutely cannot go down the infertility road, which could go on for years, when I am in this much pain on a regular basis. I have two beautiful kids who need me to be better now.

The doc prescribed me Lupron which is an injected drug that simulates menopause. The purpose of this is to see if a hysterectomy would eliminate my pain. (Lupron is not an option for long-term treament.) If the Lupron works, then we're looking at surgery right around Christmas time. The idea of removing my uterus scares me to death. It's just so final. But, there is nothing else to do. I'm extremely anxious about all of this (hence I am up at 4:26am blogging.) The Lupron will make my symptoms worse for two weeks before it will start to make them better. It's going to be a long two weeks. I really hope this works.

Moment of Truth

Well, it's not really THE moment yet. Today I took my first clomid pill. For those of you who don't know, clomid is a fertility drug designed to induce ovulation (which is the process that causes an unfertilized egg to be released.) Clomid has some risks for people like me. In fact, it specfically warns that people with chronic cysts should not take this drug. Now, I haven't had a large cyst in over 6 months but the last two I had were about 9 months apart. 2 massive cysts in 9 months is highly unusual. Most women get maybe 1 their entire lives or none at all. There is a risk that if I take clomid that it will overstimlate my already overstimulated ovaries and the result will be a cyst for the record books. We're talking 7-15 centimeters. The biggest one I've had was 6.

I brought my concerns to my doc when he suggested trying clomid. He acknowledged the risk and said he thinks the potential benefits outweigh the risk. Frankly, I'm skeptical but I really don't have any other options at this point. So, worst case scenario I lose an ovary. Best case scenario I get pregnant. Time will tell, I guess.

Summer Fun!

We have been very busy the last few weeks. Ever since my classes ended I have had such a blast being home full time again. It's kind of funny how absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I'm sure by the time fall rolls around again I'll be ready for a change. For now, I'm really enjoying these fun little kids.

Just this weekend we went camping with some friends. Noah and Allison had a blast. There were a lot of catapillars which they found fascinating. The campsite we went to was on Skyline Drive in Shenandoah and we stopped at a few lookouts to see the view of the mountains. Noah said, "Wow! It's like a whole new world!" It must be amazing to discover something like that for the first time. We even braved a hike to a waterfall. Allison struggled with all the walking but Noah was a real trooper. When we got home we were all filthy, tired, tick-free, and happy.

Earlier this month we had record high temperatures. We have been spending a lot of time at the pool but when that got old we got creative. The slip and slide was a big hit and we spent some time at the fountain attraction in Fairfax Corner. We also managed to go to a few playgrounds in the morning before it got too hot. Summer hasn't officially started yet but I can already tell it's going to be a good one. Here are some pics of our adventures!

Weekend Trip

A few weekends ago my parents, the kiddos and I drove up to Massachusetts for my lovely cousin, Dot's, wedding. It was an 8 hour drive and the first long road trip for Noah and Allison. It was great having the DVD player in the new van. Whenever they started getting obnoxious is was movie time! They handled the drive really well.


The hotel we stayed in had a fantastic breakfast bar which we enjoyed for two mornings. The kids found the whole thing to be a grand adventure. They got to snuggle up together in the room at night and slept better they do at home.

Instead of bridemaids, Dot had all the litte kids dress in wedding colors (purple, green and white) and they were a part of the pictures. It turned out super cute and Allison loved wearing a corsage.

The wedding was really lovely. I got to play Clair de Lune while Dot walked down the aisle and it was a really beautiful moment and I felt really fortunate to get to be a part of it. She seemed very happy and married a good guy from what I could tell. It was a great trip!

Oh, How Time Flies

The look so peaceful when they're sleeping.....

CPP

I know this is my family blog but I'm going to use it for something personal. In the last year I have been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and Pelvic Adhesive Disease (PAD.) I've had surgery and taken hormone pills as treatment. In the end, they only offered temporary releif as the pain has always returned. My doctor has now diagnosed me with Chronic Pelvic Pain (CPP) which occurs in about 4% of women. The exact cause of the pain is unknown so it is almost impossible to treat except for with pain medication.

The treatment my doctor is prescribing is pregnancy. Ha! PCOS and PAD are both associated with infertility. You might ask, how can pregnancy aleviate unexplained pelvic pain? That is the same thing I asked my good doctor (no sarcasm there, he is really amazing.) The effect of pregnancy on CPP is as much a mystery as the cause of CPP. Clinical history shows that, for some reason, going through a pregnancy reduces CPP in some women. I have no problem with that since we've been trying to have another baby for more than a year now. So, now the real conundrum: how to get pregnant.

Yes, I know HOW to get pregnant. The problem is every other time I ovulate (which only happens about every three months) I get massive cysts. I also have so much scar tissue that there is a chance my tubes are completely blocked anyway. Despite all this, my ever optimistic doc still thinks I have a chance to get preggo on my own. Yeah, right. Well, we'll give it a try.

So, when I DON'T get pregnant on my own then the next step is checking for blocked tubes. IF those are clear, then its clomid. Clomid is not a great option for someone with a history of cysts because it can cause even bigger cysts to form. But hey, worst case scenario, I lose an ovary. Good thing I have 2! When, I mean IF, that doesn't work well, then what? I don't even know.

Probably the worst part of all this is that I can't exercise the way I used to. Every form of cardio is painful except for swimming. Too bad my gym doesn't have a pool. My doc said to keep exercising if I can. It helps elevate endorphin levels and makes it easier to cope with pain. Plus, exercise is good for overall health. The least painful form of cardio is the elliptical machine. I used to make fun of elliptical users because I figured they were too wimpy to run. Yes, now I am a wimpy elliptical user. My hope is that I will someday be able to run another distance race. It might take a miracle.

Slacker

Yeah, it's been 5 months since I posted. I'm a slacker. The kids are growing and life just keeps moving whether we like it or not. Here are a few videos of some of our recent activity.

I find it easier to share videos through You Tube since uploading takes forever on blogger.
http://youtu.be/aF3wksdyAbk
http://youtu.be/YR1lhbv3-W0
http://youtu.be/ASsmrmIb4Vk

As you can see, there has been a lot of dancing in our house.

And in other news, Allison is potty trained! She is also taking her first ballet/tap class which has been interesting so far. Noah is learning to play the piano and is also taking swim lessons. I plan to teach him how to read this summer as well. And that's what's happening!